Excerpt 6 – Loyalty, my standard face and a first boyfriend

Hello readers :-), it’s been a while as I have been so very busy recently. Hope you guys are all well!

Here is excerpt 6 of my novel:


Loyalty, my standard face and a first boyfriend

… … …

I stopped drinking as I actually didn’t like it. But I enjoyed dancing. One of the girls, Antje, told me that my dancing was so very sexy.
My dancing, sexy?
Me, sexy?

During all my teenage years, I had never had anything to do with ‘sexy’.
My plan from primary school of chopping off my breasts, once they’d grown, obviously hadn’t come to fruition. I’d definitely got tits by now!
I still wouldn’t have liked putting my tongue through my teeth, had I had to speak English with its ‘TH’. Good God, I had no need.
Now, I was told that my dancing was SEXY.
Did I like that?
Oh yes, I did!
Suddenly, I did like that indeed. Very much.
I had become much more girly than in the past. I enjoyed being girly. I really did.
I even hoped that more people would find my dancing sexy – boys, preferably.

On a night in November, 1997, I had been on the dancefloor for three hours already when one boy attracted my attention.
It was Florian. A proper Bavarian from just outside Munich.
He was good looking. In fact, he was very good looking. He somehow managed to get me to dance with him. I normally didn’t dance with guys. I didn’t want to. I either danced just by myself or with Antje.
I had never been interested in coming too close to a boy. Too close with my body. Not even when I was drunk.
With Florian, things were different. I didn’t mind him coming close to me, touching my hands and arms, dancing around me or making me dance around him.

At five o’clock in the morning, we – the group of girls – decided to go home. The first subway-trains of the day were going to go soon.
I told Florian where I was living, and added that there were no boys allowed after 11:00 PM. And, I gave him my phone number.

Florian did indeed call.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hi! It’s me, Florian,” he said.
I started shaking.
“Ah, hi there. How’re you?” I said, feeling my heart racing.
We started a conversation. First, I was just nervous and then, I was very nervous. Because I liked him. A bloody lot!
Marina had something to help her own nerve wracking situations of that kind. She sipped from a little bottle of sparkling wine that she stored particularly for those minutes leading up to when she called her Markus. She had told me that her little potion worked wonders.
I didn’t have that kind of magic liquid, so I had to go through the conversation totally sober.

Florian invited me to come to a party at a friend of his on the following Friday.
I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t understand why such a good looking man like Florian would ask me to go to a party with him.
Suddenly, my door flew open and my brother walked in. He looked at me as I looked at him.
“What on Earth are you doing here?” I asked.
He didn’t speak properly. He only moved his lips but I could definitely read them.
“YOU, you only have a standard face!” they said.
My brother in my room, in Munich? That was impossible!
“Sorry, what did you say?” Florian said, still on the phone. “So are you coming?”
“Err, err. Um,” I stuttered, “um, yes, okay, okay then. I’m coming. Yes.”
My hallucination passed.

The truth however was that I was very shy about meeting him. And that I was far too inexperienced. For everything. I hadn’t touched a man before. Not even with the tip of a finger.
Why was he interested in me anyway?
I didn’t understand how he could possibly be attracted by a silly cow.
Why not by one of the other girls who had been out in the group the previous night? There had been plenty!

After having finished another week at the law firm, it was already that following Friday. I was about to start tarting myself up as I stood at the sink in my room, looking into the mirror.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the fairest standard face of them all?” I asked, getting closer to the reflecting glass.
I didn’t do a lot of tarting. I just brushed my hair, used some spray to fix it and put a little bit of make-up on my face. Done.
I felt ready to take my standard face out and about.

Florian was twenty-three years old and had his own car. He picked me up at the train station where we had agreed to meet. He greeted me with a quick kiss on my lips and then another one on my right cheek. It was overwhelming. I was aware, though, that I would have been really naïve if I had expected that he was going to greet me with a handshake.
Still, I didn’t know how to answer his little kisses.
Fortunately, he didn’t seem to wait for any response from me as he guided me around his car to the passenger’s door. He opened it to let me get inside.
What a gentleman he was. I was totally charmed.

After some minutes of driving, we came to a house where the party took place. Quite a few people were already there.
I liked the party. It was the first one of that kind that I had been taken to. I didn’t know any of the other boys and girls, but I was up for getting to know them. Florian knew them all.
Music and snacks were all right. So were the drinks. I didn’t fancy alcohol so I had soft drinks.

Later, I was sitting on a sofa in the party room. Nobody else was sitting next to me when Florian came back from the kitchen. He approached the sofa, sat next to me and smiled. He didn’t say a word but just looked at me. Into my eyes, into my standard face.
My heart was beating fast. Because I knew that it was going to be THE moment.
The moment that I couldn’t avoid anymore.
I had been buzzing around during the previous hours, trying not to get into a situation which I thought I couldn’t handle. But now I was sitting on the sofa and his eyes were looking directly at me, in the soft darkness.

God, God, it was indeed going to happen!
My back was sliding further and further down the sofa as I was desperately trying to move my lips away from his.
I remembered Mom’s warning about the first time. She had said, a long time before, that people would first hit with their teeth together instead of their lips. I was frightened of that kind of accident.
And then, when I had moved all the way down the sofa, I was stuck.
Florian started touching my lips with his mouth. I didn’t know what to do.
Thank goodness, I didn’t need to. He was doing everything. Well, to start with. And then, I just did the same as he had done and was still doing.
No hitting of teeth. None at all.
He was great. He was excellent. He was careful and so exciting at the same time. I loved it. I even hoped for the kissing to last forever. I loved Florian’s way of grabbing my lips tenderly with his teeth, putting his tongue slightly into my mouth and then ‘asking’ me for mine. I learned very quickly what he wanted and what was going on. He was the best kissing teacher I could ever have imagined.
And, of course, it became undeniable that I had fallen in love with him.

Butterflies inside my tummy were buzzing around most energetically during the next day. I was back in my room on the sixth floor of the girls’ house. I was floating on cloud nine, as I was comfortably lying on my bed, speaking in an excited manner to Florian on my phone.
Then, I called Mom. I had to tell her that I had a boyfriend. She seemed very pleased for me.
Um, did I even hear some sort of relief?
Then, I called Grandma. I felt that she needed to get my news, too.
“Grandma,” I said. “You know what? I’m in love, I have a boyfriend!”
“You? In love? I thought you’d not even look at a man,” she said. “Does that mean you are not a lesbian?”
WHAT? Me lesbian? What the hell was Grandma talking about?
Had I given the impression that I was in love with a woman? What with? Who with?



… … …




6 thoughts on “Excerpt 6 – Loyalty, my standard face and a first boyfriend”

    1. Hey Alex(andre)! Glad you can relate to this experience! Now how did your mum (and grandmother) react when you told them – did they ask you if you were gay 😉 ??? Yeah, I see it’s funny in the story how my mum and grandmother reacted but back then, at the time, it was a real shock to me! Wasn’t sure if I should even be a little offended, or rather just appreciate that they were ‘concerned’ about me.

  1. Ah, those excruciating first moments when you want to, but you don’t want to. Wondering what’s going to happen, and then BOOM. You’re floating on that cloud, feeling sooooo good. Nice piece :-).

  2. I remember drinking a lot for that very first moment. I could not have managed it without! Was very shy by that time.

    So well done, I guess! 😉

    1. Hey Tutur :-), thank you for commenting :-)!! That’s good to know that not only I had trouble with the first real kiss – particularly when you LIKE the other person quite a lot, right!? Hope you’re less shy these days ;-)!

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